September 2, 2014

leonkumquat:

when my dad was in college he had a friend who told a girl he’d take her on a date unlike any other she’d ever been on and so he took her to the supermarket to watch the lobsters fighting in the lobster tank

they’re married now

(via official-elf-dentist)

September 2, 2014

strifeandslash:

safe sex is for losers (takes off knee pads and helmet) 

(Source: twiabpaianlatfwnogf, via wowoknope)

September 2, 2014

bearplsstop:

tardisity:

The oldest person alive was born on April 19, 1897, meaning that April 18th, 1897 was approximately the last time the Earth was inhabited by an entirely different set of people and if you don’t think that’s the realest shit ever then you can get right on outta town.

(via wowoknope)

September 2, 2014

clamperl:

Skittles has a chocolate flavor now

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(via ruinedchildhood)

September 2, 2014

plasticbagvevo:

plasticbagvevo:

lady gaga? why not gentleman gaga? end racism now!

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(via wowoknope)

September 2, 2014

selmabouvier:

i haven’t been to subway in 2 years cos the woman went “what bread do you want” and i went “yeah”

(Source: grotbag, via hate)

September 2, 2014

wyllie-coyote:

peanutbummer:

exuberantneuropsychologist:

shmeeshed:

clevergenius:

the-diarrhea-of-anne-frank:

yea im a girl

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yea i play video games

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HAHAAHHA JK

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yea im a dude

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of course i play fucking video games

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HAHHHAHAHA JK im really a woman

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yea im a girl

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yea i play video games

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HAHAHAAHA JK IM OLD GREGG

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indeed i am a boy

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indeed i play video games

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HAHAHAHA JK IM A SWORDFISH

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Yeah I’m an trans*guy

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yeah I play video games

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jk I’m actually a dad

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IT GOT BETTER

(Source: iwishihadafather, via heytinaloser)

September 2, 2014

dulect:

could you please fill out this quick survey for me?

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(via heytinaloser)

September 2, 2014

(Source: nickelback, via punkmonksteven)

September 2, 2014

bombing:

doctor: you have to run more you’re incredibly out of shape

me: but doc i definitely run…..a blog haha

doctor: nice

me: nice

doctor: you’re going to die

me: nice

(via wowoknope)

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